Tuesday, October 19, 2010

What's naive about dreaming?

So far I have gathered this much about the possible-chat-party: timezones suck. -cough- Anyway, I think it'll work best on a weekend so we don't have to worry about school and such. I shall be consulting timezone maps... I need to know what everyone's timezones are and what IMing devices you possess.

I'm not really one to vocally/physically show my irritation to the public. I have long adopted being "the quiet kid," and I find there's a 100% decrease in the chance you'll get beat up in this way. (But this is my way. Feel free to do what you gotta do!)

That's why when people tell me to give up on my novel-writing dreams, I often shrug it off and cry in my closet later when nobody is watching.

But I find that... enough is enough!

I think that I've spent too much of my life worrying about what other people say about me. I've always been afraid of my parents' disapproval as much as my friends'... but that's everyone, right? We all feel insecure about ourselves. There are times my mom shakes her head at me when I'm busy at work, at that one head shake makes me feel ashamed for dreaming what I dream. My friends don't exactly disapprove of what I do, but none of them really support my endeavors either. My family has made a joke of it - they think it's funny I want to write, because they equate that to being a hobo, which obviously means I'm going to be unhappy. Obviously.

I'm tired of having my actions being defined by other people, though. So I'm not tolerating it anymore. What is their opinion worth to me if all it does is make me feel bad about myself? They don't have that right, and I should not allow it. Many people think me naive for wanting such a thing. I see them roll their eyes when I inscribe "DON'T STOP BELIEVING!" (yes, Glee reference) on my bedroom wall.

Well, I say this: that's easy. It's easy for you to stand on the sidelines and criticize me for what I do. It's easy for you to scoff. Go ahead, take your shortcuts. If that makes you feel better about yourself, go ahead.

When I first heard Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, I hated it. But now I can kind of see the slither of truth it has in it (though I still don't like it that much); that teenagers are blessed with the capacity to do whatever. I can publish an article in the school newspaper while simultaneously start in the school musical. I won't ever have a chance like that again.

I'm stopping with the worrying over college and wondering what is the right road. There is no right road. There is only the one road that I choose and the one road I follow through with. By the way, I drive a bulldozer so you might want to get your butt out of my way.

(PS, I think everyone should read Libba Bray's post on something similar to this. It's lengthy, but worth the read. It made me tear up a bit, but mostly it inspired me to keep with my decision to be stronger.)


  1. You are so right. Don't ever forget that. Thanks for posting this, a lot of people needed it, including me. Keep writing!

  2. Awesome blog :] Everything you said is true.

    P.S. I'm G.M.T. and I can only really IM from the computer