Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Panicked Musings

I hate missing what I'm not paying attention to.

I mean in class that's kinda-sorta annoying, especially if the teacher calls on you or its on the test next week, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean the big stuff, the kind of stuff that once you see it you start kicking yourself for not noticing it in the first place. It's like one of those mind illusions, you first see all the splotches, but as soon as it kicks into place that it's a familiar shape you can't stop seeing it and wonder how the heck you could have missed something so obvious:
I can't see the indiscriminate splotches anymore, all it is is a cow, even when I look for other, non-specific and non-defined shapes.

The same thing happened with my friend. She pushed me away this past week in a hurtful and abrupt way. As implied by the word abrupt, I didn't expect it. Then I do what I always do which is to start to analyze things to death. I'm great with that with life's problems, yet literary analysis just doesn't seem like my forte, that's a conversation for another day. So I started thinking, stressing and analyzing, going over our friendship, trying to see what I missed. It vaguely came to me over the course of two days. I stopped seeing the splotches and started to see the cow, or more accurately, the elephant in the room. Now I've got an elephant, and I need to figure out how to guide an elephant to safety. Did I mention I'm the mouse in this equation?

I know this is sort of vague, but I want to respect her privacy. 

Also, sorry about missing last week. I don't even know what happened.


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